C things

I don't know if I stand alone in this conclusion, or if it is one that is somewhat common.  I have recently come to a realization and I don't like it.

Over the span of the 25 years 1 month and 11 days that I've been alive on this earth it seems that the things I want are pretty much on the nose always always out of reach.

I'm not talking about I want an Ipad, and I don't have the $500 to buy one. I'm talking about big things, like C things. I am A, but B stands in the way and I can never have C. Or I have L, M, N, O and I will never legitimately be able to get to where C is close enough to be achievable.

I know this is very vague, and most likely confusing to everyone that can't see inside of my brain, which is no one. So I guess I do stand alone in these frustrations. What should a girl do? Continue to strive for the C things? Or find things that are in reach and learn to want them?

What I know, is what matters.

Well i'm alive.

I'm not going to dwell on the lack of rhyme or reason on why I haven't blogged in over a year, or why I have decided to start blogging (for lack of better term) again. Better late than never I hear. I'm also not going to try to explain or expound upon the past year, but I will say that I loved being an IC Roadie and stayed on a second term to help plan an international event called The Rescue. My time at IC was one of the most wonderful, eye-opening, influencing experiences of my life...please check out what they are doing and help end Africa's longest running war.. shameless plug.

Now I'm back in Texas living, learning, and job-searching.

Well I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to be "when I grow up". Or even what I want to do in life. I've been asked this question in several interviews (due to operation job-find), and the best answer I can come up with is that I have no idea. It is safe to say that: I have no clue what I want to make of my life.

Some days I feel like this is all fine and there is time to let life happen; that love and peace will bring me through it. Other days I wake up and feel like I'm completely suffocating and have a really hard time clinging to anything that is true and real, watching the clock go completely out of control like a bad dream. I've found that I'm not necessarily looking for the answers to the life questions (well I am, but I know that is a lot to ask) but I'm looking for some resemblance of balance. So my questions lie in how to find balance. How to stand in the fact that there is already a divine path that has been laid before me, and also how to grasp that this said plan and "my" plan may or may not be the same thing, let alone the right thing.

I stand not necessarily confused, but momentarily frustrated.

What I do know is this: I want to live a life filled with love, surrounded by friends and family, and occupied by sweet poise and grace. I want to fight for those who can't fight for themselves; to be a voice for the voiceless. I want to love people well and live like love is not only possible but the only option. I want to throw any qualms out the window and strive for adventure, no matter how mundane it may be.