The Itch

Have you ever felt so completely happy one week... and the next all of that changes? for example. my life.
I've been quite content for quite a while.

My family is amazing and lives a hop, a skip and a jump away, give or take a few miles.
I have an incredible group of ridiculously rad friends, near and far.
I love my roommate and our home.
I have a full time job that I adore, all inclusive of a loving church family, a boss who is a complete rock-star, and of course the infamous lunch bunch.
I'm slowly kicking my debt's butt...very slowly, but it's happening.

So, all of that to say: I have a stable income, a stable living situation, a stable group of people that surrounds me, and a set of stable goals (aka the butt kicking I spoke of before.)

I love where I am right now.

During the last couple of weeks (cue creepy music) IT happened. The Itch.
If one were to superimpose a blank time-line over the story of my life, they would be able to clearly mark the other moments that I've been "infected" (for lack of a better word) by The Itch.

I can't tell you the exact moment in the past few weeks that it happened...but it did. Every single time this has happened to me, I have not only had to step out in faith but also leap over mounds of fear, and rely not only on my strength but on a strength that is so much deeper than myself.

The difference between previous Itches, and the most recent "infection" is that I know that I am in the right place, where before I knew it was time for something new.

I'm not going to ignore the itch, because maybe I do need change, something new, but maybe it isn't necessarily moving half way around the world again. We'll see what comes of this Itch. I just needed to put it out there to the unknowing universe that once again I have know idea what this means but I'm up for the challenge. I cling to the same faith and strength that I have needed with previous itches, and am excited to continue to embrace Texas.

Life is always changing and I'm continually adventuring- no matter how mundane (or shall I say stable) it may look.

Mad love.

What I know, is what matters.

Well i'm alive.

I'm not going to dwell on the lack of rhyme or reason on why I haven't blogged in over a year, or why I have decided to start blogging (for lack of better term) again. Better late than never I hear. I'm also not going to try to explain or expound upon the past year, but I will say that I loved being an IC Roadie and stayed on a second term to help plan an international event called The Rescue. My time at IC was one of the most wonderful, eye-opening, influencing experiences of my life...please check out what they are doing and help end Africa's longest running war.. shameless plug.

Now I'm back in Texas living, learning, and job-searching.

Well I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to be "when I grow up". Or even what I want to do in life. I've been asked this question in several interviews (due to operation job-find), and the best answer I can come up with is that I have no idea. It is safe to say that: I have no clue what I want to make of my life.

Some days I feel like this is all fine and there is time to let life happen; that love and peace will bring me through it. Other days I wake up and feel like I'm completely suffocating and have a really hard time clinging to anything that is true and real, watching the clock go completely out of control like a bad dream. I've found that I'm not necessarily looking for the answers to the life questions (well I am, but I know that is a lot to ask) but I'm looking for some resemblance of balance. So my questions lie in how to find balance. How to stand in the fact that there is already a divine path that has been laid before me, and also how to grasp that this said plan and "my" plan may or may not be the same thing, let alone the right thing.

I stand not necessarily confused, but momentarily frustrated.

What I do know is this: I want to live a life filled with love, surrounded by friends and family, and occupied by sweet poise and grace. I want to fight for those who can't fight for themselves; to be a voice for the voiceless. I want to love people well and live like love is not only possible but the only option. I want to throw any qualms out the window and strive for adventure, no matter how mundane it may be.